Healing

I think the thing the made me start changing my life was being sick with pneumonia. I first was admitted to the hospital was on May 27th 2010.

I will go into more details, and blogged during my time in and out of the hospital and I will be reposting posts from that time on this blog.

But during that time I LEARNED a lot about my self and about what my life to me and where my life was heading.

I finally got better when my tonsils were removed in march 2011. But during those 11 months i learned more about myself more then i ever had at that point. I learned I could be brave, strong, solo and alone. You spend A LOT of time alone when you are in the hospital.

It also gave me guides as to where I was headed. It was in the hospital where i realized that i did not want to be a teacher anymore.

It was in the hospital i learned who and WHAT really mattered to me. and more importantly WHY things, people and DREAMS were important to me. And I learned that I was not happy with my life. In fact I think my unhappiness lead me to getting SO sick.

One of my worst experiences in the hospital was when I had a pic-line inserted in my right arm. Yup, that was worse then the tube they put into my left lung for four days to drain the liquid in my long and WAY worse then the 4 cat scans I had.

Thank goodness my step mom Rena was able to come out and be there for me during that procedure. Because I don't think i could have done it without someone there for me. And thank goodness she was there to demand morphine immediately after, the procedure had to be done "sober" and damn that shit HURT.

It was also serendipitous that Cassandra's Mom (Cassandra is now my best friend in LA) was the one who took care of my pic line once it was inserted, and she even removed it on my 28th birthday (BEST BIRTHDAY PRESENT EVER).

Life is weird and has unexpected events that you don't necessarily for see coming that often later seem to fit into the puzzle of your life in ways you can only realize in reflection.


I can't wait to repost some of my "hospital" posts because I am amazingly positive in them. And that positively i kept back then, is something I tried have to attain why I transitioned into my new life.

In any case, everyday, in sense, we are all "healing" and trying to achieve the life we want, dream of and know we can attain. Life is weird and things don't ever easy but they can be HAPPY!!


LOVE YOU ALL AND HAPPY SATURDAY!!

LOVE, Amber Lane xoxo

P.S. GOOOO NINERS!!!! #BAYAREA

THROW BACK THURSDAY....

I am going to try to post an original post from Ambersnotebook every Thursday (since i still own the content... just not the damn domain....) If you have any requests for TBT let me know. 

This post was originally posted on June 9th 2011. About a month before I seperated from my husband. I wasn't very happy back then, but I did a really good job hiding it (actress in the making??) and I was also having some computer issues, which is what my "rap" is referring to. When things aren't happy in my world I would turn to "art" to heal and express myself. And, perhaps, distract myself in a way.

Weird to reflect back on "blind" points of your life I .... and weird how I always thought I was such a little rapper.... 

Guess who's back? Back again?

Amber's 'fit's, tell a friend.

Guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back....

I've created a monster, cuz nobody want's to see boring posts.

They want outfit posts. Yeah, food posts, they're chopped liver.

Well if you want Amber,

this is what I'm about to give ya, a little bit of sequins mixed with some hard leopard.

With some wedges that'll jump-start your heart quicker, then when I get shocked by my closet that's not co-operating.

You waited this long, now stop debating 'cuz I'm back

on the blog, not procrastinating.

So the M-A-C wouldn't let me be, so let me see.

They tried to shut me down on A-N-B, but it feels so empty without me.

So come on and dip,

put you hand on your hip and just rock that 'fit.

But get ready, cuz this mix is about to get heavy. I just settled on my outfit, so rock it betty!

After much delay, my Computer is finally back to working...finally!

J crew Sequin Sweater, Forever 21 leopard shorts, Cynthia Vincent 12th Street Target Wedges.

Please excuse my MC Amber ways...regular posting to follow.

However, if you like this post you may enjoy my 'ode to Gwen Stefani.

Are Pictures Really Worth a 1000 Words...

So maybe I will, or maybe, I will not have pictures on this blog. What are pictures really? a moment in time? a perspective? an idea? a facade?

Who knows what they are. All I know is that they are MFing crazy. REALLY? You can look at something think that you did in still-time?! How did that happen?! WHAT are these contraptions that can capture light and save it. And does it really reflect what really happened?? and is that what REALLY happened?

And now that we have the power to capture and re-capture a "moment"? What is that all about? I can remember the time when we would capture a moment on film and not know what it looked like until we used up the roll and anxiously waited for at a "1 Hour" photo processing place to recap our shenanigans and vanity of the past weekend.

Time was different back then. So were photographs and "pics".  I suppose my reflection of pictures and time were different back then as well. They meant something to me then and now they mean something new to me. Weird how that happens.

Damn this would be a good instagram post. "What are pictures really?".... as i self take a picture in the mirror...

Okay I'm gonna go take a selfie (it takes thirty minutes to get a good one and filter it) so I'll probably be back tomorrow. We'll see....


Love Y'all!!!


-Amber Lane xoxo

Guess Who's Back? Back again.

well i suppose that it's about time i started a new blog. My third blog (public one I should say I think I have about seven or eight total)...  I suppose that's what happen when you grow up during the evolution of the internet becoming mainstream. My first blog, Organically Amber  proved to be too obsessive and confined. There were only so many companies I could write to and complain about their ungreen ways until I realized no one including myself is perfect.

So I moved on and opened up my blogging horizons and opened blog #2, Amber's Notebook. A name chosen due to my love of writing in notebooks. I started talking more about my personal life, and posting my outfits and I finally even got brave enough to show my face online!! And it led  me to wonderful opportunities and I made so many amazing friends through (the now dead Ambersnotebook.com ... may she rest in peace , and to whoever owns that domain now....  you should spend more time on your own life, not get kicks off of messing with mine). Although she was taken from me Ambersnotebook.com will always be special to me. And I miss her dearly.

So this, in a sense, is Amber Blogging 3.0 and i'm ringing in the New Year by writing online again. Unlike my other blogs this blog will not be chronological, it will be weird and it will reflect the state I am in right now. Ambersnotebook.com was the blog written by a suburban house wife, who at the time was a school teacher and I used as an outlet where i tried to find happiness in creating and sharing it on my blog. Unfortunately, I couldn't find the happiness I desired, so I made a change and packed up and moved to LA. AmbersHollywoodNotebook is the blog written by a dreamer making the dreams i had as a little girl come true.

It will bounce back and forth, as i analyze the choices I make, and have made, throughout my life; and how those choices and through processes have led me to this new life. So expect old stories, new stories, revelations and lots of pictures (possibly Videos!!) and corny humor. Thanks to everyone that has supported me over my blogging career and I hope this new blog thing works out...

Let's just say it's GOOD to be back =)


Love you all!!!

-Amber Lane xoxo

PS feel free to ask me any questions or request post topics. Also make to sure to follow me on Twitter and Instagram as Ambersnotebook and find me on Facebook at: http://www.facebook.com/AmberDiannaLane